im sick and tired of all this
im tired of waking up and running out of the house to catch the train
im tired of having the same classes everyday
im sick of all the hate and rumors
i need fresh faces to get to know
i want new jokes to double over at
i want each day to be an adventure waiting to unfold
i need and want the mystery and unknown summer has in store
i loved being in charge with bernice and doris over the dance girls. in the beginning, it was a bit of a hastle facing all these girls with attitudes. but as i spent time with them everyday, i got to know each one of them. i began to recognize their voices and actions. i came to expect to hear certain things from each girl. they reminded me of myself back in jhs. all those hot summer days spent counting (1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8, 2,2,3,4,5,6,7,8…), wrapping ribbons, getting and returning the radio, talking with that guy…it was so summer. it’s what made my summer what it was. and all the feelings that came with it, well i wouldn’t mind dealing with all of it again because it taught me so much. i learned about the hurt friends can cause and the damage boys can do. but most importantly, i learned the true essence of friendship.
i guess i also liked helping with the girls because it gave me authority. i got to help these girls perfect something beautiful. it was something i was good at, that’s why i was given the authority over them. i guess going to stuy makes me forget that i have something im good at. stuy is full of so many talented people. there are people that are amazing at sports, who are even ranked. then there are the musically talened ones who compose songs and can play songs that i can only dream of playing by practicing every day for 362747 hours. and then there are the ones who have photographic memories and are so smart that they can only be described as prodigies. being surrounded by all these talented people makes me feel worthless sometimes; it feels like i have nothing to be proud of compared to them.
but i know im not stupid. we all go to stuy because we’re gifted in some way. i hate it when people judge others based on their physical appearence, what they do in their free time, what type of music they prefer, etc. im tired of being misjudged. im tired of you thinking im not as smart as you just because i dont try as hard in everything i do. i dont care if you have a higher average or if you take advanced classes. i dont care if i have to ask questions, cause you do too occasionally. so stop acting surprised when i know some piece of information or god forbid i answer questions right without having to copy from you. and fucking dont tell me you feel stupid for getting the same grade as me.